Something I've noticed rearing it's head in my life in the last few weeks has been my desire to be IN CONTROL. If you're on my email list (and if you're not, join here!), you already heard me say most of this - but make sure you check out the list I'm revealing below!
My desire to be (or to appear, at the very least) in control shows up everywhere... and of course I only seem to notice it when
I'm not feeling it. When I'm in traffic, when the train is late, when it
rains, when someone doesn't email me back, when I can't stop eating
chocolate, when I'm having a wild hair day...
Sound at all familiar? A lot of the women I talk to say they are most stressed out when their life feels out of
their control. It's the slippery slope problem. It's the crashing
computer. It's your friend's/kid's/client's/partner's reaction. It's the vortex that
sucks you in. I'll bet you can think of an example.
I like to reframe being in control as taking charge. When I really get honest about it, I like the feeling of "in-charge" better than "in-control" a whole lot better. As I was writing this, I made a list that I couldn't just keep on paper. I was surprised by how different these two things actually are and the different feelings they bring up in me. Can you relate?
reality is that we can't control very much. But we CAN choose to be in
charge of our actions and responses - our thoughts and feelings - about
what happens. We can decide what meaning we make about it.
core of my work, I talk to women about being in-charge of their food
choices: stocking their pantry, getting comfortable in the kitchen,
keeping healthy snacks on hand, getting clear about which foods give
them energy and which drain them, deciding what to eat based on how they
know they want to feel. This being in-charge involves taking
responsibility, controlling the controllable, and then letting go of the outcome. Yes, surrender.
we burn the rice, sometimes we eat a food that upsets our stomach,
sometimes we eat too much when we go out with friends. If we were trying
to be in-control, these situations would mean that we had failed, we
screwed up. Being in-charge means we can accept that it's not perfect, that we're working on figuring it out. We can take these situations as feedback, as learning experiences.
...Ahh, and that feels a lot better...
Would you add anything to those lists? What does the difference between "in control" and "in charge" feel like to you?